Clown Alley Of London !!!

Back to school: In the old days, we wrote with pencil and paper; now-a-days the computer is used by many. But are they any smarter? HA! Here are some conversations that actually happened between help desk people and their customers.
~ Tech Support: "Do you have 3 1/2 inch diskettes?" Customer: "No, I only have 3 of them."
~ Tech Support: "Ok, now click your left mouse button." Customer: (silence) "But I only have one mouse."
~ Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." Customer: "Ok." Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
Submitted by Gigi

There are 3 typical things that occur in June:
Weddings: A friend just gave me a report containing statistics indicating that last year 4,153,237 people got married. Now, I'm not trying to start any trouble, but I can't help wondering... shouldn't that be an even number?
Graduation Day: It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father. "Let's try to make this look natural "she said. "Junior, put your arm around your dad's shoulder." The father answered, "If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?"
Father’s Day: If you think about it, Adam had more trouble than any of the rest of us buying his Father a gift for Father's Day. I mean, what do you get somebody who's Everything?
Submitted by Gigi (Happy Father's Day, fellows!)

Gigi's "Mom's Dictionary"

BECAUSE: Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't be explained logically.
BED and BREAKFAST: Two things the kids will never make for themselves.
COUCH POTATO: What Mom finds under the sofa cushions after the kids eat dinner.
DRINKING GLASS: Any carton or bottle left open in the fridge.
DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
FULL NAME: What you call your child when you're mad at him.
GENIUSES: Amazingly, all of Mom's kids.
GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
HINDSIGHT: What Mom experiences from changing too many diapers.
KISS: Mom medicine.
SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.
TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas.
VERBAL: able to whine in words
WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house...

Here are Gigi's selections for the Top Ten News Headline Stories:
1. "Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers"
2. "Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax"
3. "Stolen Painting Found By Tree"
4. "Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter"
5. "Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures"
6. "Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge"
7. "Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead"
8. "New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group"
9. "Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft"
10."Hospitals Are Sued By 7 Foot Doctors"

Some employees bought their boss a gift for his birthday. Before opening the gift, the boss shook it slightly, and noticed that it was wet in the corner. Touching his finger to the wet spot and tasting it, he asked, "A bottle of wine?"
His employees replied, "No."
Again, he touched his finger to the box and tasted the liquid. "A bottle of scotch?"
"His employees replied again, "No."
Finally the boss asked, "I give up. What is it?"
His workers responded, "A puppy."-submitted by"Jingles" Nov 5-03

1. Why did the clown take her computer to school? She wanted to take an apple to the teacher!
2. Why did the clown give the little boy an dog biscuit? She heard he was the teacher's pet!
3. Why wouldn't the clown use hair oil the night before the big test? He didn't want anything to slip his mind!
4. Why did the clown eat the dollar he brought to school? It was his lunch money!
5. What classroom table doesn't have any legs? The multiplication table
6. What tree do you find in every grade school? The elemen-tree!
7. What candy do kids like to eat on the playground? Recess Pieces!
8. What is the first part of a geography book? The table of continents!
9. What colour is a cheerleader? Yeller!
10. What insect does well in school? The spelling bee!
11. What subject do snakes like? Hiss-tory!
12. What subject do mosquitoes like? Ar-itch-metic!
If you find these funny, check out 101 School Jokes in our clown library! -submitted by MisQuote (Clown Alley of London's Book Clown)

Knock Knock Who's there? Pizza. Pizza who? Pete's a nice guy once you get to know him! -joke was submitted by DaydreamDoodler@Aol.com	Camper: "Look at that bunch of cows." Farmer: "Not bunch, herd." Camper: "Heard what?" Farmer: "Of cows." Camper: "Sure I've heard of cows." Farmer: "No, I mean a cowherd." Camper: "So what? I have no secrets from cows." -joke was submitted by"Jingles"
Q. Hey Rainbow, why don't you take a shower with a Pokemon? A. Because he might Pikachu. -joke was submitted by Mark Putters "Ab Normal"	Q: How did the Clown break his leg raking leaves? A: He fell out of the tree! -joke was submitted by Barbara Frampton "Babsy"
Q: How do you get Pikachu on a bus? A:You Pokemon!! Heard this joke at the Home County Folk Festival 2002! -Mark Putters	Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall? A: To make up for a terrible summer. -joke was submitted by"Jingles"
Q. How do porcupines play leapfrog? A. Very carefully. -joke was submitted by Mark Putters "Ab Normal" -who's insanity is his only form of relaxation!	Q: What two words have the most letters? A: Post Office -joke was submitted by"Jingles"
Q: Teacher: What are you- animal, vegetable, or mineral?? A: Little Boy: Vegetable-I'm a human bean! -joke was submitted by"Jingles"	Q: What bird is always found in you mouth? A: a swallow -joke was submitted by"Jingles"
Q: What did one eye say to the other eye? A: Something between us smells. -joke was submitted by"Jingles"	Q: What did one chip say to the other? A: Want to go for a dip? -joke was submitted by Walther Irie
Q: Why did the bubble gum cross the road? A: Because it was stuck to the chickens foot! -joke was submitted by Hal "HALALOO" Grant	Q: Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland? A: He couln't afford plane fare. -joke was submitted by"Jingles"
Q: What would you say would be the best year for kangaroos? A: A Leap Year!	Q: How do you make antifreeze? A: Take away her pajamas!

"Fantasy is given to mankind to make amends for what he is not and a sense of
humour as consolation for what he is" — unknown
Submitted by Gigi